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Wednesday, March 7th, 2001
10:45 pm - well wtf
Well I had a good day today. I would explain it to you but it wouldn't make any sence at all. Because you have no idea what;s actualy going on in my life right now. I just took a masive hit off Liviathen. He's a tribubbler. He's great. Anyways, I almost puked cuz I swallowed smoke... ::GaG:: Well I Live with Jay and Dean now. Dean and cindy broke up and cindy moved back to the cities. Me and Jays relationship has been going fucken great. I just got a job up the hill from here. It's a Food and Fuel that sells Mobile gas. Heh. But yeah. They hired me today. I did the interview on Mon. I go in to go over the handbook tomorrow. And I get trained in on thursday and Fri. And I star work on Mon, I think... I don't know I'm a bit confused right now. Everything from my shoulders up is numb... Wierd. I can like feel my muscles... He He He!
Well then pretty much my days went wake up get stoned, wait a =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-allison just imed me, i'm dippen.... BYE!!!!
four

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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2001
11:32 pm - long time, don't care...
well i had a pimp christmas. I went to this rave. Ok like it was suppost to be at black bear casino but the guy didn't make the deposit in time. so it was then held in two harbors... Which is on the complete oppisite side of duluth. it took like an hour to get there. expecialy since they gave fuckd up derections... but we made it... then at first it sucked cuz the dj's weren't there yet and barely anybody was dancing shit like that. nobody was rollen ect... Then the dj's showed, rolles started comeing in, and people were dancen and chillen all over the place. grips of people showed up. It was in the pimp ass house and stuff. but it was totaly cleared out and no toilets. but it was all good. the rest of my family went to the cities unexpectidly... so i was all by my self ON christmas. well i was over at my boyfriends... Then new years was kind of lame. I went to a concert then smoked hella buds like all weekend... it was alright. I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow it's like 2 inches long it's pissen me off. Then I can re dye it finaly so it's not this nasty puke pink color.... then i'm going to go job hunting or something... hehehe. i decided i'm getting sick of just sitting around at my boyfriends doing nothing. i want something to do and to get paid for it. well peace for now...
later
four

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Friday, December 22nd, 2000
2:37 pm - It's that time...
I'm gonna get off line and run myself a fucken hot bath. I'll probably be back in a hour or so. Maybe less. Hey allison if I don't ketch you before you leave for the mall um bye I guess. I never thought about what I was actualy gonna say. I have that rave tomorrow so I wont be home tell sunday night most likely... ketch ya'll later
Four

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2:22 pm - Good God
Alright lastnight I actualy ended up having fun even though I was sick. Jay came and picked me up at 4 a.m. this morning. I went back to his place and he brought his maneger elaine with. She wanted to smoke buds with us. Which is pretty kewl because of all the hanging out at perkins (where they work) me and her never really talked. She's kewl to get high with though. I finaly went to bed at like 7:00 a.m. I was the last one up. Then Jays alarm goes off at 1:0o because he had to bring Joel to work. So of cource then I was up and in extreme amounts of pain. From the top of my head to where my neck ends and my shoulders begin on the leftside it hurts like a bitch. Centered mostly around my jay and molers. I hope to god it will pass. It's been like that the last two days. I don't want it to be my wisdom teeth or anything cuz i have no medical or dental insurence... I'm still dry heaving and shit like that... I suppose I should quit smoken the greens and cigs. I have been sick since 2-3 days after halloween. I still have my rechid cough... I don't know. My mother was telling me to get my ass in gear and go to the doctors. I'm like no insurence. She's like just tell them to send youu a bill. I'm like yeah and who's gonna pay it... I don't know I think she was drunk because she kept saying these smartass remarks then snickering about it. ::cough cough, gag gag, choke choke, pain pain...::i took some excedrin. that has helped with the surrounding pain but not my jaw. Anyways enough bitchen for now. I'm gonna see if null/sixtyten/allison.... what ever is on. hehehe
later
four

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3:08 am - holy shit
oh my god i'm sooooo fucking sixk. i have been dry heaving for the last like couple hours. i have a cough and everytime i cough i gag cuz i can't breath and my stomach either opens up and burps or like i start spitting whole lot like i'm gonna puke. i even ate something so i could puke it didn't work! i'm pissed. i have to call jay in 3 min. cuz he's comeing to pick me up then i have to finish the dishes. i'll probably be back tomorrow cuz i have to pick up cash from my mom. i don't know if i'll have time to stop online though. i will sat. while i'm at jays band practice. It's either growing hotter and hotter in here or i'm having hot flashes and or i'm breaking a temrature. I was gonna go to jays to smoke pot but i don't know if i will i'm to sick. gotta dip.... later homies

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1:00 am - oh yeah
not to menchion i'm still sick. i have been sick sence like 2 three days after halloween. when jay kicked me out of the house and i was homeless with all my shit on his front porch... yeah that lovely memorie still haunts me. and i have no metical insurence so i'm screwed tell i finaly get my act together... plus i am suppost to see the chyropractore twice a week, and i haven't seen one since march 22nd of last fucken year....
my neck hurts like a bitch so i can't even turn to kiss jay and on top of it i can't breath when i kiss him because my nose is a water fountain.... ok enough bitchen for real
four

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12:33 am - yup this sucks
my mom showd up here tonight with some bull dyke browd. looks like her ex girlfriend rhonda that pisses me off. she was trying to reashure me there's nothing but friendship going on. and she's sleeping over tonight and it SOUNDS like friends with benifits to me... she also smelled abit like alcohol. so i'm all pissed off. because of shit she pulled in the past when i still lived down in minneapolis. and it was with rhonda that she did this with... my mom had the masterbedroom i had the walk in closet, and this is when she like was just comeing out of the closet when i was like 11. and they'd fuck so loud the neighbores would complain to me. i never got any sleep i went to 31 and 1/2 days of school that year. the rest the time they thought i had manoe for 6 months or some shit because all i did was sleep. then she decided that once i told my father and he was all pissed and his sister, my auntie was threatening to kick her ass that she would just leave us at the town house come home once a week because her god damn sex was more inportant then me and my sister. then the whole alcohol thing it just sucks haveing an alcoholic parent. like i drank last night like a 40. and like before that it's been over a year since i drank. i hate drinking. because i saw what it did to my mom. i know i smoke hella green now but i don't know i approve of that.it's not as bad it's more having fun being retarded then passing out in your own puke on your frunt porch in the dead of winter. ( yeah my mom) she's stupid sometimes like the rest of my family including me. But if my mom starts drinking again we have to do all the worrie ing and searching, and cleaning her up when she gets home. there's nothing like giving your own mom a bath cuz she's full of puke and can't do nothen but dangle her head over the toilet. no no no it's the best when she makes up excuses like it's to help me sleep but then the next day she starts drinking at 2-3 in the after noon then you wake up come down stairs and get yelled at cuz it's all your fault for not going to school when you have a fever and is vomiting... stupid ass shit like that. i don't know so i'm super pissed. i'm not sure if she was drunk her attitude seemed like it, she smelt of it and she's bringing strange people home. that look like her exes from hell... i might just be being paranoid but i'm still pissed. I called jay at work and told him what was up he sat there in silence didn't say not one word to me. I told him why it pisses me off when she pulls this stuff but he must have forgotten or something i'm gonna have to sit him down and explain it all again. this way he'll understand why sometimes things piss me off that shouldn't. like if we have friends over and i can here them fucking in the next room... oooooohhhh i get pissed. one time my friends did it when i was in the same room and my sisters done that to me before with my ex boyfriend... so it double pisses me off... as soon as i heard the second condom open i was sure that that's what they were doing, got up enough nerves (after i quit shaking and my heart slowed down a we bit) i sat up and sad THAT'S IT! and kicked them out. yeah i was pissed at them for awhile and i forgave them. well not the bitch just the dude, it's another long storey about the bitch and why i don't like her, not to menchion she's the biggest bimbo in the world.... well enough bitchen for now i guess, i'm gonna call jay later and ask him to pick me up when he gets off at 4 a.m. i'm actualy kinda excited about this lame rave that's comeing up on sat. cuz i talked echo into going today. i haven't seen him in a while. and i wrote him a really sweet letter that i hope will make him feel better about hanging out with me... expecialy when jays around... well blah blah blah
later four

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Thursday, December 21st, 2000
9:56 pm - hey ya'll
um yeah i'm finaly home. yeah there's a cheap ass rave at a casino near by on sat. so everybody and there moms going even my boyfriend. so i figured i better go. uncle cid might be coming so it's all good. if not i have other options. but my mom has company over so i'll be back later...
peace
four

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Friday, December 15th, 2000
10:50 am - i failed
i forgot to come back, my bad. now i don't even remember what i was fitten to write. i just woke up not to long ago. i have been failing at sleeping in lately to. it sucks... well i'm about to put in some laundry and i have a concert to go to tonight and another one tomorrow. i have some shit to write about that happened lastnight so i'll be back this time...
later four

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Thursday, December 14th, 2000
9:46 pm - HE HE HE
well i finaly made it home. after being at jays for like 3 weeks. smoken pot... everythings going good i guess. i finaly got a job. i got hired at that telemarketing place but i think i'm gonna not beable to work there. i'm gonna try for last place on earth... (paraphanilia shop) or a gas station. but phones suck and resturants suck. plus i had to bleach my hair and um all the pink didn't come out and um i have no more bleach... oopsie. hehehe anyways i'll be back in a few minuets to write more
four

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Wednesday, December 6th, 2000
12:40 pm - hello
well i don't know how long it's been. i have been hom sence teo fridays ago. sept stopping in to change clothes and grab new ones. joel has been over the last 2 or 3 nights and then he will be tonight to. he has bud, he's even buying more.... anyways i gotta get ready. i have a job interview at custimer link today at three. (telemarketing) i'm so baked right now you gotta mind my spelling, um.... heh. ok my friend meg gave me, joel, and of cource jay jay, a fucking gas mask for the pot smokeing room... it's fucking nuts! i love this shit!
later four

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Sunday, December 3rd, 2000
11:06 am - holy fuck
ok check it out ya'll. my momma's missing. she's been gone since last friday. and she went out on a date with someone me and my sister didn't know. and were scare shitless this is so not like her. i'm so scared she is dead. i've treated her like shit ever sence i can remember. i've done some pretty stupid ass things not even careing how it would make her feel. anyways like everybody that's ever been inportant to her has treated her like shit. she had a ruff ass life and nobody even tryed to help her through it. i feel like shit. and i'm hungry..... anyways so yeah this sucks cock and balls. if she's not back tomorrow i'm breaking in. well that's about it for now.... later beoches.
four

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Thursday, November 30th, 2000
5:05 pm - BAND PRACTICE
WELL, HERE I AM THE LAST WEEK WAS INSANE. oops sorry for caps. i'm at justins house right now. that's one of my boyfriends guitar players. uhhhh. ok on friday i went over to jays right. right. then jay and joel bought a whole lot of the green stuff. and we went down the street to kayla's and my whole group was there i was soooo happy to see them. it was great. i'm being a burnout right now. i can't remember the fucken address to this cheap ass web sight i'm working on.anyways so friday i was at kayla's then eventualy we all split. me jay and joel went back to his house. jays house. and today is my first sober day sence. I haven't smoked this much weed sence i was 14 man i swear. this was our schedual. jay would come home from work at 4 a.m. he would wake me and joel up we smoke and smoke and smoke. then jay would finaly pass out then somebody would join our little three some every now and then. then me and joel would stay up tell about 3p.m. then go to sleep and jay would wake us up again at 4 a.m. it was a beautiful cycle i tell you. but now me and jays scheduals are completely oppisit. he sleeps when i'm awake i sleep when he's awake. ect... anyways i can't wait to get back to my moms tonight. jay barely fed me. i'd tell him i was hungry he'd just lay there. i had to sneal food. i felt guilty but i woulda dies man. so me and joel made a pizza... and uhhhh i found my old chocolat malt o meal from before we ever broke up. and a can of my black olives. and we munched on pepperoni.... jay always has pepperoni it's good shit. just eat it raw once. i promise you'll like it.anyways that's it for now i suppose... later bitches.

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Friday, November 24th, 2000
7:44 pm - ahhhh thanksgiving
well i live in duluth, i'm from minneapolis so that's where i went for this holiday of america's lame ass. i didn't get accomplished what i hoped. i had not slept for over twentyfour hours by the time we were done eating dinner,(at my sister missys house) and i was gonna go with my other sister stacy to her side of the familys house and my daddy went there to see me and everything. but i fell asleep and when my sister tried to wake me up i wasn't even able to sit up anymore. so i feel like shit cuz i really wanted to see my daddy. i aint seen him sence christmas last year so this sucks cock and balls i'm gonna try calling him later or tomorrow. i feel really shitty about it. he like lives way out west of minneapolis and he drove all the way over north and he was like i'm not gonna go unless four goes, and so he went cuz he had left before we could call him and tell him i crashed. so he went there and like was like where's alicia and there all like she crashed, and he's like, after a 1/2 an hour he's like well i'm gonna go then. i feel like shit. cuz me and daddy are the closest out of any of his kids cuz when i was in the group home i wrote him letters. and one of them was telling him how i forgive him for being a fuck up as a father and that i love him and i know he tryes his hardest and that he feels like shit knowing his hardest wasn't ever good enough but it was always good enough for me ect.... i siad it in less blunt words though of cource bbut he called me up almost crying. and we have always been the most bonded but at that point he finaly understood my love was unconditional and that i'll love him no matter what. well i guess that's it for now. jays picking me up in alittle bit, and me and acouple of his friends and acouple of my friends are hooking up at his place and were gonna have alittle thanksgiving dube feast..... later crazt cats
four

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Wednesday, November 22nd, 2000
10:53 pm - nothing new
well i accidently fell asleep. i was trying to stay up so i could make my phone calls but i fell asleep and i didn't wake up tell 6:30 to late for anything i wanted to accomplish. jay came over at 8 oclock. he dropped off my glasses i left at his palce...then me and mom went grociery shopping. and now i'm home and i'm talking to echo on the phone... and we have nothing to talk about. oh no, he only has 3 cigs lft and he just broke one..... poor thing. anyways, him and his mom tease eachother alot most the time there just playen but they never like say loving things. so i just made him tell his mom that's he loves her. now he's arguing trying to get her to let him smoke in the laundry room so he doesn't have to go outside. now there bitching about who turned up the heat. cuz it's always cold in there place. ect.... anyways enough about that shiznat.... ok i'm just blabbing i'm gonna go now and look at some other shit online and get my aim rollen......
later peeps
four

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8:20 am - well well well
ok i haven't slept yet, big surprise. my mom already left for work she has to put in extra hours cuz she pulled a sick day on monday... anyways so yeah i'm super bored and worried about sixtyten. it's all otay alice. everythings okiday. i just really hope she calls my sister angie. but yeah i guess that's all i can really say about all that. at least there not playing the same damn video's over and over again on vh1 anymore. it's a new day yeah! uh whatever. man i have to get some sleep but if i fall asleep i wont wake up in time for anything. i have phone calls i need to make and my boyfriend wants to bring me something, i forgot my reading glasses at his place the other night last night or yeasterday morning or something like that i don't know after awhile it all blends together. i have to get ahold of megan set up an interview at custimore link back to back with her. make an appointment at the free clinic. go to cub pull out the rest of my g.a. my whole 7 dollars. man that am radio video by everclear is on, i am just menchoning i have no comment because it doesn't deserve one.... anyays that's it for now cats....
four

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3:32 am - okiday
well jay picked me up at 4:00 a.m. this morning and i went back to his place we were up tell like 7:30-8 a.m. then slept tell 7:30 p.m. I made some phone calls to my raver homies echo and case. then i went to have jay drop me off at my moms. but she didn't leave the keys in the mail box like i left her anote asking her to. and so i ended up going to work with jay. he called and left a message here for me. asking my mom to call up at perkins. then she called up there like three times so i'm just gonna combine all three calls in order. ok i'm like mom you didn;t put the keys in the mail box she's like i know i'm like why she's like because you were fucking around on my computer again. i'm like how so? (cuz awhile ago i put a pic. of jonathan davis as the wall paper in the windows) so she's like the icons use to be going verticaly now there going horizontily... i'm like i didn't do that, because i didn't. and she's like well they didn't do it on there own. i'm like well whatever i didn't do it. ok on our computer you turn it on it boots up then a window pops up asking you to enter a password or hit cancle. and she's going on about this. she's like if you press cancle and go to the other windows you started doing your own thing over there with msn. i'm like what are you talking about? she's all like you started your own account thing. i'm like no ididn't i have my own going threw you msn mom you know that. she's like well it didn't appear there by it's self i'm like whatever mom i don't even know what your talking about. seriously my moms being a bitch. not leaving me keys to get inside of the house in the dead of winter. what i i wouldn't have told jay to wait to see if the keys are in the mailbob. cus the parking lot is up the hill abit so you can't even really see our door. and he could just sped off to make it to work in timme and i woulda been stranded until my mom got home from work at 11 p.m. tonight. and all that because the icons were aligned different that snakey bitch can't be trusted. then she's bitchen about me not even living at home. all i do is come home for acouple hours and then leave again. and she's like i feel uncomfertable leaving my keys out there if that's how it's gonna be. and if your just gonna be home for acouple hours i'd rather you do it when i'm home. and my moms normal schedual is leave at noon thirty and arive home at 9 thirty. so bitch make me a copie of the key then. uh i can't believe she's acting like sutch a child over some icons on a fucking piece of metal. and plastic.... and rubber.... anyways. i lead my group aaron megan joe kayla ad echo in a meditaion not to long ago. they were seeing druids... anyways so to calm them down i did that. and now there all interested in my religion. i was raised pagan 1/2 ass. like my beliefes are very simular to that cuz my moms pagan. but uh so we went to barns and nobal and i see a book called elemental power it's about faerie myths and druidic magick. i'm reading it and it's telling me about the Celtic's. I was raised and decided on my own to believe in exactly what they believe in. and My momma never menchioned them before. she just told us about the laws of the otherworld and about natures interwoven flowing energy and dememsions and the universial laws ect...... she never said it came from the druids she never gave us the historey on it all. but now i'm learning all that from this book and some new cerimonies that seem very very interesting. so i'm studying on this new found beliefe system ( i hate to call it a religion cuz that's conformity, that's christian...) and i'm gonna teach them all about it and what they've already experienced and show them how to experience more. i wanna get alot of bookes and all that shit. it will give me something to study now that i'm not in school anymore. my brain still likes to learn. anyways ta ta for now. oh i got home cus jay left work early and got me here, isn't he a sweety...... i wish i could call echo right now. but it's to early. i'll call him when i wake up tomorrow. i have other phone calls i need to make to. i gotta set up an interview at custimer link and hook up with aaron and megan and book it to life house.... i missed that appointment i can't believe it actualy i can..... ha ha ha. later cats
four

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Monday, November 20th, 2000
10:19 pm - the last how ever many days
ok well hold up let me see now... ummm. oh yeah ok! heh. aaron, megan, and echo came and picked me up. then we drove around aimlessly smoken the green. then we picked up kayla. then we kidnapped my english man downtown and we drove around doing nothing but smoking pot. then me and kayla went to this dudes house i aint gonna say no names. and it was one of her boyfriends dealers. (joe my homie is her b/f) and he's this pimp homie g gangsta dealer and he is like late 20's early 30's he has a hook for a hand and he can roll a joint with one hand... he's the pimp shit and he's an uptight dealer only me and kayla are aloud to go to his house. and we just showed up with out calling first and your suppost to call first. but he was real kewl about everything. honestly i think it's cuz kayla was being all paranoid about him jipping us and i had to convince her to just trust him in so many un spoken ways. but then he complemented me he;s like see she knows what i'm talken about. so he was all kewl with me even though i'm i guess an punky brooster looken chicka.... or whatever. anyways so we went down by the lake. (lake saperior, you know the great lake...) and tim, my english man, fell in up to his knees and echo just stood there and laughed at him. so he got to wear my spare socks in my bag.(homeless or not at this second i always gots a spear change of clothes in my back pack you never know who's house your gonna end up at that night.) then we dropped kayla off and went to aarons. then we came back to duluth smoked buds again all day and night. then ok get this lastnight were all stoned off our asses. me aaron megan echo and kayla. and aarons driving and were in like way west duluth. and um a fucken deer comes out into the road so aaron decides to drive as close to it as he can so he could get a better look (like the dumb ass aint never seen one before...) and he starts slowly but surly chasing it down the street. like right through the neighborhood and on to the highway on ramp area thingie.... i was like you mother fucken high ass!!!! anyways so me aaron echo and megan go back to aarons house. sleep then today i had an appointment with tony my social worker the two guys from life house me aaron and megan about getting aplace. but we slept in. so we got up came to duluth met up with joe kayla and leah down town smoked some more buds. then me echo aaron megan and joe went around to all these different stores acting like jr high clepto's but it was fun. and now i'm home. i gotta call jay at work. oh today we were at barns and noble to look at meditation books and shit and echo called me his pooky bear. and when we were at toys r us he's like i love you man, i do... i'm soooo happy he stayed my friend and he's not as snakey as i am. cus the other night i was really really really high right more then i could handle (not just on weed keep in mind) and i was all up on him and shit, like normal.... but uhhh this is like when me and jay first got back together and um with out thinking me and echo were like going to kiss eachother and he turned away. he wouldn't let me. and i'm soooooo happy because i woulda killed myself. soooooo anyways today i'm downtown and i run into bubbles. she's this chick i ran into at the party on holloween. she's now kicken it with sarah cewe my bitch ass old room mate. and sarahs working at life house. whitch sucks cock and balls majorly that stupid bitch just can't get out of my life. and guess who was walking right by her side down town? hunter.... no shit no shit. hunter! i've known this kid sence i was 11 years old we've been threw thick and thin threw one of the nastyest ghetto's his mom is like my mom. he found out i was homeless and has been staying at bubbles sence sat. trying to find me. he was telling me about how him and his mom were trippen and she was getting all pissed talking like is she's homeless i'm coming up there to find her myself ect... he is the sweetest thing in the world. you know that security company asia? they hire them for tours and shit, like bands and stuff. well there asia then in the asia security theres initials. theres like 4 initials per every 200 asia or some shit. and he's in initial he's younger then me he's only 16 he may look scronny but you better step the fuck back cuz ol' boy don't play with little or big ass kids man. he's fucken worken the pantera show this friday it's nuts. i told him to tell the band i said what's up. cuz yeah he be smoken weed with them and every other mother fucker that tours threw minneapolis and saint paul. but that's my boy i'm really proud of him. so yeah but then he had to leave. so now i gotta deal with this shit. anyways i'm so happy he's up here!!!!! i love that kid so mutch! anyways, i better dip this entrys getting alittle long. there was so mutch more that happened but none of it's really of inportance if it comes up later on so be it..... but yeah, one more thing. it's really hard being around echo and jay at the same time. and everybody keeps yelling at me for hooking back up with jay, cuz me and echo are so "perfect" for each other. anyways were better friends then anything at this time... it's really hard not to just lean over and kiss him though cuz he has the sweetest kisses. there so gental and soft. there real. there not like one of those hard forced upon kisses that guys will give just for the arrousment. there passionat gesters of effection. but i got my man that loves me and don't get me wrong i loooovvvveeee jays kisses to! heh. anyways i'm outie now...
later four

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Friday, November 17th, 2000
3:39 pm - alrighty then
ok so at 8:00 a.m. jay comes and picks me up cuz i woke up around 4 a.m. when he get's off work and i called him at his place at 5:30 a.m. and he was up smoken some green. and by 8 he was really ripped and decidied he wanted to come get me. so i went over there got ripped with him them we fell asleep then woke up at 33:30 cuz he had to go to band practice but then we accidently fell back asleep. then got woken up by cindy pounding on the door. saying are we going to band practice or not. see jay lives with dean and cindy. dean is jay's drummer jay's the lead singer. and cindy's dean's g/f. so we went to practice then after words the whole band came over me jay and mark smoked some green then me and jay left everyone there and went on an adventure down the street to my friend kayla's house we smoked some green with her then me and jay went back to his place smoked some more green then got dean and cindy smoked some green with them. whitch is acctualy a funny storey. see for awhile dean and cindy were going on this yeah the only drug we do now is ex thing. so what they would do is smoke the green behind each others back. and i had never smoked with dean before but i did once with cindy. and i've heard some funny ass things about dean. so i wanted to smoke with him. and i did and it was great. jay brought out the old video camara we were whatching it this morning he was just filming me being a high ass for like 10 min. god i smoked me self stupid lastnight.... then this morning more like at 1:30 p.m. aaron and megan showed up and woke us up. now i'm at home megan and aaron are going to the bank then to our other friends i aint gonna say no names and there gonna buy some green then there picking up echo then megans dropping echo and aaron off here then she's going out and getting applications then comeing back and getting us. so i really need to get in the shower... but yeah see my moms real anal about my friends. so i'm not suppost to have anybody in here while she's at work but i do it all the time. and i'm bound to get busted eventualy. but oh well. jay says if she kicks me out i can stay with him again... no matter what cindy says. well thatt's it for now... later kats
four

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Thursday, November 16th, 2000
4:56 am - holy shit
ok, right now it's 4:56 a.m. I just woke up...I fell asleep around 11:30 p.m. even though i had woken up at 5 p.m. but i hadn't slept for two nights so i deserved this 5 hour nap. ok so i woke up at like 5 and i just intendid on going pea and smoken a cig grabben a munch and then going back to bed. 3 min after i woke up Jay calls me.... (oh yeaster day i had a majore typo i said i left with joe and tickles i ment echo... heh.) anyways so jay calls me and asks me if i want to go to perkins and talk with him. so i did. alot of things were said and evrything was going smoothly until i brought up me and echo. now that was a sensitive subject expecialy after i told him we been kissen and shit. he like started crying so we left. we went out to his car and he grabbed me into his arms and held me. he held me real tight. whitch his something he never use to do. that's why echo's my cuddle buddy in the first place... and he told me how much he misses me and i shard the feeling and expressed it. he told me he loves me i told him back and we did over and over again while holding eachother. then i had to get back to my moms to do the dishes before she got home,so we did and then we hung out here for alittle bit but then he had to bring joel home from his place. and then i called echo. and kept trying to get out of him what he thought about all this and every approach i was trying failed. until i asked him what he thinks about me. but he was scared to answer. so he spit out that he feels like he's known me forever and that he thinks i'm super kewl and that he likes me and i'm like what else? but he kept saying i don't know. and i was like ok do you want me to tell you now? he's like yeah. i'm like ok, i think your super kewl and i like you a really lot but i'm scared to get into a relationship with you because i don't want to lose you. and he's like yeah thats exactly how i feel. so i'm like would it hurt you if i got back together with jay? and this was hard for him to answer but he finaly got it out that he'd rather have me hurt him alittle but now then a whole super lot if we got together and in the future we lost eachother cuz he sucks at relationships anyways.... so we agreed. and i'm back together with jay. and jays gonna smoke up the whole group cuz he feels bad about leaving us all at perkins. and he has practice today at 3 and there gonna be doing that for a few hours i'll give em four or five... there really devoted... then were gonna hang out he's gonna smoke me up with his blueberrys and i'm gonna give him a massage cuz he's in alot of pain and he's gonna be in even more after practice. and that's the latest jizz......
four

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